From: the_dojang-owner@hpwsrt.cup.hp.com To: the_dojang-digest@hpwsrt.cup.hp.com Subject: The_Dojang-Digest V7 #18 Reply-To: the_dojang@hpwsrt.cup.hp.com Errors-To: the_dojang-owner@hpwsrt.cup.hp.com Precedence: The_Dojang-Digest Mon, 10 Jan 2000 Vol 07 : Num 018 In this issue: the_dojang: Re: Emily and Lessons Learned ========================================================================= The_Dojang, serving the Internet since June 1994. ~735 members strong! Copyright 1994-2000: Ray Terry, CA Taekwondo, and Martial Arts Resource Replying to this message will NOT unsubscribe you. To unsubscribe, send "unsubscribe the_dojang-digest" (no quotes) in the body (top line, left justified) of a plain text e-mail addressed to majordomo@hpwsrt.cup.hp.com. To send e-mail to this list use the_dojang@hpwsrt.cup.hp.com See the Korean Martial Arts (KMA) FAQ and online search the last four years worth of digest issues at http://www.MartialArtsResource.com Pil Seung! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- From: dbuehrer@carl.org Date: Mon, 10 Jan 2000 08:35:41 -0700 Subject: the_dojang: Re: Emily and Lessons Learned Sorry for the long post, but I've got a lot to cover. >From: "Aaron Harmon" >Date: Fri, 7 Jan 2000 15:43:39 -0600 >Subject: the_dojang: Emily > >I have great sympathy for Emily, the Hapkido student who was murdered, does >anyone know how her instructors are taking the news? I wouldn't want to >trade places with them, they must also be going through a lot, similar to >Emily's family I would think. I wonder if they feel responsible. I do not >think that they are, I just wonder if they feel that they are. None of her instructors feel responsible, as far as I know. However, Mr. Hampton, our Master Instructor, doesn't know about Emily's death yet. He's on vacation in Thailand (or somewhere nearby, he has a habit of letting the wind take him were it will). He's due back any day now, and we are not looking forward to telling him about Emily's death. But if his students are any indication he should deal with it fairly well. > > You may not have meant your last sentence the way I took it, but it > > sounds like you're blaming the instructors for her death - please say I > > got it wrong. > > > > Chuck > > > > >Actually Chuck, the way David posted it sounded like they were blaming >themselves. I just wondered about this commitment part. What did they >mean by that? Sorry, my fault. I wasn't as clear as I wanted to be. All of the instructors, and middle belts for that matter, are very committed to new students. New students do not lack for instruction or attention. What many of the instructors expressed was that they wait a few months before making that emotional attachment and investment in a new student. As an example, the middle and upper belts have been in the habit of going to a Japanese rice bowl style restaurant after class. In the past new students weren't officially invited until they had "proven" themselves. With Emily's death one of the instructors, my sister in fact, realized that while the loss of Emily was heartbreaking, she (Emily) had brought a lot of heart and soul to class and my sister was grateful for having known her. What really hit home was the realization that if Emily had died within her first two months, the instructor would have never really known Emily, and would have regretted that for the rest of her life. Now there is a standing invitation for *all* students to go to Kokoro's after class, regardless of their rank or time in class. Any given student may only last one or two or three months. But they won't be treated as a stranger, but instead will be welcomed into our Hapkido family from the first day. > Basics sir are important but is self defense part of it? >Should that be something that should be taught right off? To tell you >the truth self defense was what I was looking for. I found it in the tkd >eventionally but for a while I was not confident about myself. Should >more be explained while you are learning it. Knowing that the kicks in >real life are not meant for just above the belt and such. To tell you >the truth after reading about Emily my confidence was shaken for a >while. It made me wonder what would of happened if it was me. What would >I have done. Welcome to the club :) I've decided that if anyone ever becomes aggressive towards me, I'm going to try to make a quick fight or flight decision, with flight taking precedence. I'm going to do everything possible to avoid a fight, even if that means apologizing for something I didn't do, or turning tail and running. If flight isn't an option, I'm going to fight without any reservations. I am going to consider any attack against me to be a threat on my life. Even if the other guy is drunk, he could get lucky and push me down and my head could smack off the corner of a table, or the ground, killing me. If possible I will refrain from using seriously damaging attacks, but if there's the least doubt in my mind to control the situation without hurting my attacker, I'm going to do whatever I can to take my attacker out as quickly as possible. I pray I'm never forced to defend myself by attacking another person, but I won't hold back if I am. And in preparation I'm going to take class a little more seriously from now on. >For the past couple of days I was bummed out. >Talked to my instructor about this post over the internet and I also >told him what I had posted. ( I apologize to anyone for not getting back >to them sooner but my phone was down for a couple of days.) I had a good >workout last nite especially with american one-steps. My instructor does >not hold back. He punches or grabs at me like he means it and I react >pretty good now. For I while I did not understand the concept but am >getting the hang of it. My instructor explained some things about >commitment too that helped me understand. I know not all can be learned >at once. I apologize if this post offends anyone. Donna Well, I for one am not the least bit offended :) It's gratifying to know that other MA students are learning from Emily's death. We are neither "invulnerable nor clairvoyant". Self-defense isn't just learning MA techniques, but learning to be aware of the people around you, learning to recognize when your life is in danger, and making a plan to defend yourself if you are ever attacked. We may never know what happened in Emily's house. She may have been attacked without warning and never had a chance to defend herself. She may have been attacked by multiple attackers and was overwhelmed. Her attacker may have gotten lucky and stunned her with a blow, or she may have fallen to the ground and hit her head on the corner of a coffee table. Emily is dead and nothing can change that. I can tell you that she made a *huge* contribution to the world. There were over 500 people at her memorial service on Saturday: family, friends, coworkers, and students. As a teacher she made an enormous positive impact on her students. She was able to reach and teach even the most unreachable students. Her students and fellow teachers shared stories of her love and compassion for her students. And she was not only dedicated to her students, but every student in the school. Her friends, both new and old, told wonderful stories of her. It seemed she always had a smile to share. Even in her death laughter found a place. When one of her students found out that Emily was dead, she called her mom and asked her to go get Emily's dog, Casius, before they took him to the pound. When the mother asked what the dog looked like her daughter said, "White, medium sized." The mother arrived at Emily's house and told the police that she was there to get Casius a police officer asked her describe Casius (just to make sure the dog was going to the right person). The mother told the officer that her daughter had described Casius as, "white, medium sized." After the a short pause the officer chuckled and said, "well, he is white." The mother, a woman no more than five feet tall, was presented with a white dog who stood four feet tall at the shoulder. Despite being afraid of dogs she took Casius by the collar and stuffed him into her small car, and took him to her house. When she got home she took Casius up to the door and rang the doorbell, because she wanted to give her husband a little warning rather than just bring Casius into the house (her husband knew she was getting Casius, but only knew what his daughter had told them, "white, medium sized"). Her husband answered the door, took one look at Casius and exclaimed, "Holly shit! What are we going to do with this dog?!" This was just one of the many stories that brought much needed laughter to Emily's memorial service :) And her family is incredible. I cannot say enough about her father and mother and sister, who welcomed everyone to the memorial service and shared their own happy memories with us, and their sorrow. For an hour and a half people stepped forward to share Emily's smile with us. For our part (her Hapkido class), one of our instructors presented Emily's green belt to her family. She had taken her belt test on her last class and passed with flying colors. She had earned it. There's one more thing I've learned from Emily. I'm going to try to take a smile with me wherever I go, and give it to everyone I meet. And if I'm lucky, when I die my friends and family will be able to share that smile with eachother :) To Life, - -David Buehrer 6th Gup, Hapkido http://www.users.uswest.net/~abaker3 - -- "The more I learn, the more I realize I don't know and the more I want to learn." - -Einstein ------------------------------ End of The_Dojang-Digest V7 #18 ******************************* It's a great day for Taekwondo! Support the USTU by joining today. US Taekwondo Union, 1 Olympic Plaza, Ste 405, Colorado Spgs, CO 80909 719-578-4632 FAX 719-578-4642 ustutkd1@aol.com http://www.ustu.com To unsubscribe from the_dojang-digest send the command: unsubscribe the_dojang-digest -or- unsubscribe the_dojang-digest your.old@address in the BODY of an email (top line, left justified) addressed to majordomo@hpwsrt.cup.hp.com. 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